Pluto Revere

PLUTO REVERE
(rapped to the tune of Beastie Boys’ “Paul Revere”)
Contributed to the Pale Blue Blog by Julia DeMarines and Raea Hicks

Here’s a little story I gots to tell,

About a solar system you think you know so well.

It started way back in history with Copernicus, Galileo and Tyco Brahe!

 

Check out the planets- you want to steer?

You, me, and my spaceship, and a quart of beer.

Ridin’ cross the cosmos, kickin’ up sand. (

They all want us to visit cause we are hu-man.

The first little planet named Mercury,

All by itself without nobody.

The sun is beatin’ down on its cratered hat.

One sides gettin’ hot, and the other temp’s flat.

Lookin’ for a girl, next planet in the sky,

She said, “My name’s Venus.” I said, “Howdy.” She said, “Hi.”

 

[Long instrumental break]

 

She told a little story that sounded well rehearsed.

Hottest surface in the system and she’s dying of thirst.

The brew was in my hand, and she was on my tip.

Her voice was hoarse, her throat was dry, she asked me for a sip.

She said “Can I get some?”

I said “You can’t get none.”

Had a chance to be fun,

But got too close to the sun.

800 degrees [F], I thought I’d be dead.

Coolin’ down on the next planet and this is what she said:

“My name is Planet Earth, I’ve got people thatare chill.

I think you know about me, get out of here for real.”

So what do we have here?

The next planet without beer.

“I am Mars, and my atmosphere is clear.”

We stepped into the wind, with a rover and a grin.

Leaving the Red Planet, now we’re ready to begin.

[Long instrumental break]

“I’ve got the mass, you’ve got the crew.

You’ve got two choices of what you can do.

I’ve got hydrogen as you can see.

I’m Jupiter … pull you in like Shoemaker-Levy”

I’ll ride with you, take me to Saturn’s orbit.

Out beyond the frostline, where it’s too cold for water.

Cassini orbits like this, and orbits like that.

Dropped a probe on Titan and landed with a splat.

So I’m on the run, much further from the sun.

Right about now it’s time to have some fun.

 

The planet Uranus, and i’m a little insane,

And I have a hazy spot cause I’ve got some methane.”

Next, we rode to Neptune and checked the dark spot.

It’s got the strongest winds and it’s anything but hot.

This rock was starin’ like he knows who we are,

So we took the empty spot next to him at the bar.

Neptune said, “Yo, you know this dwarf kid?”

I said I didn’t but I know he did.

The kid said, “Get ready, ’cause this ain’t funny.

My name is Pluto and I’m about to get money.”

He pulled out Hubble, aimed it at the sky.

He yelled, “Stick ‘em up!” and let moons fly.

Four new moons, and people hit the floor.

The New Horizon team is running for the door.

Julia DeMarines. Credit: http://saganet.org

Julia DeMarines. Credit: http://saganet.org

“King of the Kuiper belt  and I get respect.

Your cash and your space craft is what I expect.”

NASA was with it, and he’s my ace,

Ran some calculations and I punched Pluto in the face.

The orbits check out, the craft won’t stop

Pluto was a planet and now he >>got dropped.<<  emphasis

– A cover rap written by julia deMarines and Raea Hicks –